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Review #4252393
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello Starling,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


Nice use of the image prompt! I liked that the lake from the picture featured quite prominently in your story, and your descriptions worked quite well to show the scene. The story could use a title that makes potential readers want to click on it. The brief description was nicely done though, even if it sounded a bit like this was a writing exercise rather than a short story.

The main character was interesting and the readers will be able to relate to his curiosity. He came across as a young lad who didn’t want to be told what to do and what to be afraid of, and he wanted to see for himself. There wasn’t much in the way of backstory, but I was intrigued by the way he thought of what I figured were his parents as his female home elder and his male home elder. It immediately gave the readers some idea about the culture in which this story was set. His reaction to his discovery seemed quite natural, and I was curious how he would handle the responsibility of having to inform the elders what he had found out. Unfortunately, the story ended before I could find out, and it wasn’t really part of this tale which was more about the discovery itself and its significance.

I liked that the story turned out to be different to how I thought it would be. Instead of a hideous creature, the main character found, well, a different kind of monster, I guess. Who they were and where they had come from was a little unclear, but their intentions were obvious. The way you structured the story worked well as the readers found out about the actual events at the same time as the main character did. There wasn’t much dialogue as the other characters only spoke at the end, but the twist was revealed mainly thought their words so it was an important part.

The descriptions were nice; especially the part about the ball of light that floated and touched the water was well done and easy to imagine. I didn’t notice any errors; the story was quite polished. Overall, quite an original story and a good read!



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