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Review #4252396
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hello Jim Hall,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


This was quite an involved story, and considering that it wasn’t very long, you managed to pack a lot of detail into it. The way you used the image prompt worked well and I could imagine the opening scene quite clearly with the dark, frightening sky. You moved away from the image quite quickly though and as the story developed, it became clear that it was just the opening that set the scene and described one of the reasons the characters had to act.

The characters were engaging and the challenge they were facing made it easy for you to show their different personalities quite clearly. The main character came up with a plan that might save his kingdom, but the others had to put it into action. Especially his lieutenant was intriguing; at times I wasn’t sure if his words worked for his character since he seemed too casual, too rude the way he was talking. For example, when he was first told of the plan he blurted out, You’re crazy, you know that? and a little later, “Alright, what’s the plan?” I can’t imagine he would be talking in that way, it was too disrespectful. On the other hand, you didn’t make it clear what the relationship was to the main character – he could have been his lieutenant and his best friend. Nevertheless, I would expect him to be more respectful when he spoke to him in public.

I liked how the plot developed and the complex plan was put into place. The structure worked quite well for me, the way the command filtered down to the different ranks of the mages and told them about their duties, although it did become a little repetitive in places. I hadn’t anticipated the ending, that no one other than the two leaders survived and the whole war just kind of ended because there was no one left to fight. It seemed like a bit of an anticlimax at first, but it was quite original and, like I said, unexpected.

I got a good sense of the setting and the atmosphere from the descriptions, and the story was quite polished – I only noticed one small error which is hardly worth mentioning, but since I’m here...

you left behind.We are
There’s a space missing after the period.

Overall, I thought this was a very enjoyable tale!



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