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Review #4252401
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hello Andy~hating university,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


Like you said at the beginning, the story was perhaps not exactly inspired by the image prompt since the mythology is well documented, but I could see where the lake from the picture featured in this tale. I would have liked to see more details about it, a few more descriptions perhaps so the readers could see how you imagined the scene by the lake. The story was quite short and you could have added a few details here quite easily without running the risk of going over the word limit.

The characters were interesting although for me, they lacked depth, but I suppose some of that was due to the type of narrative. The story did read like a folktale and I thought you captured the style very well. Unfortunately, to me that meant that a lot of it was told rather than shown, that there wasn’t much in the way of dialogue and that the characters were a little two-dimensional. I was missing the emotions from them. They looked at each other in shock at one point, they screamed at the end and there was a smile and a shrug of the shoulders, but being in a situation like this should have got more of an emotional response from them. Especially the shoulder shrug seemed out of place – after all, they couldn’t answer the riddle and were about to die. It made the conflict seem not quite real enough to be engaging. Having said all that, I do understand that this might simply be due to the fact that you stayed true to the typical style of stories like this, so I don’t really feel like I can deduct points for that.

The descriptions gave me a good sense of the setting and the atmosphere – again, there could have been more of it and I wish that some of the images had been more vivid. It would have been nice to see the lake a little clearer since that was the prompt, and then end of the story where the Sluagh came across the lake – I think that would have been an interesting image.

Technically, the story was solid; I didn’t spot any errors or awkward sentences, and overall, I thought this was a good story. Oh, and thank you for the pronunciations in the author note; it helped to have an idea how to say those names as I was reading!



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