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Review #4252404
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hello l.a.p,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


A very creative story! It seemed like you took pretty much every usual setting and did something imaginative with it, like family life, social norms – the only thing that sounded very familiar was friendship and the difficulties maintaining it when people change. I say people – the characters in this story weren’t actually people but I could imagine them very well through your descriptions. The narrator was excellent and it was easy to identify with him and understand his challenges. There was some great character development which came across particularly well, I thought, because the readers got to experience the story from his point of view.

The plot was interesting, not least because you kept the readers on their toes with some quite unique ideas. At the heart of it, there was the friendship between the narrator and his best friend, and the narrator’s quest to find himself in a world that didn’t accept him as he was. It didn’t really matter where this story was set, the struggle you described here is easy to relate to anywhere, but the setting made the tale particularly intriguing. The action rose towards a definite climax with the revelation at the end and the brief fight between the narrator and his friend, and you ended it in a good place – you left the readers to imagine exactly how the narrators plan would work out, but you pointed them in the right direction so they would have a pretty good idea. I liked the way you structured the tale, with the main part of the story being in the flashback, and I though this line was a great start hook,

This may be my death, but it need not be my defeat.

I loved the dialogue between the friends as it sounded very natural, and their first conversation was quite touching. It’s just a minor point, but the formatting during the other dialogue at the beginning and end worked well for me. The descriptions were good, especially of all those things the readers wouldn’t immediately be able to understand. I was perhaps missing a bit more of a connection to the image prompt and a bit of a description to show where the inspiration from the prompt came into it, but that was really my only complaint. Technically, the story was sound; I only noticed one tiny error:

slapped the sand before of me.
Omit “of.”

Overall, a very original story and a great read!



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