Hello Fran 💜 💜 💜 !

I am your local and frolicking SB here. I'm reviewing today on behalf of the Simply Positive group. I hope this review gives you a little bit of sunshine for your day.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
First impression- This poem was brought up on my items to review and I feel like you make it clear your subject so there isn't really any 'guessing' within this piece. I do have some suggestions for you to play around with if you wanted to that are completely up to you.

But here I stand
alone-

I would play with the usage of 'but' since it delays the poetic 'action' if that makes sense. I would also play with 'that/for' in the next few stanzas since this gives more of a passive voice within this poem. Just some things for you to tinker with if you want.

Rhyming/Rhythm

The rhythm of this poem is kept consistent and I didn't find any areas where it felt 'choppy' or that you needed to play with it more. It flowed from one line to the next and seems to be a free style form of poetry.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I watch golden swans
smile and flutter -

I like how you paint this picture of graceful golden swans swimming on by as you watch them from the sidelines. I also like that the feeling of loss is repeated within this poem. Finally stating that you are on your own and need to create this new life and style of existing without being a part of this team. There's this melancholy feeling but also a strength with your last stanza and mentioning you'll be heading out on your own.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a poem that tackles the feelings of loss which involve being taken off this team. Yet, you have an inner strength within here of becoming your own person in the end even though you are separated from these people and lifestyle. My main suggestions are just playing with the 'extra' words that kind of create more of a passive voice but this is just a suggestion. I hope this little review of mine is helpful. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .