Hello Elle - on hiatus !

I am your local and frolicking SB here. I'm reviewing today on behalf of the Power Reviewers group. I hope this review gives you a little bit of sunshine for your day.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
First impression- This poem really starts out strongly and honestly gripped me from the start. I came across it with reading through the entries of the Shadows and light poetry contest. The line: I discarded my halo eons ago, is basically something I can totally jive with and I love this approach of ditching your halo.

You see my ragged wings...

I would maybe play with the wording of 'you see...' since this has more of a passive tone with this poem. It has a strong voice and I can see keeping it as well but thought I'd offer this suggestion. Maybe having it be: 'Your eyes see my ragged wings...' or something that has a little more of an active voice. Just a little play and suggestion for you to consider.

Rhyming/Rhythm

There isn't any rhyming within this poem since it's a free verse so you don't need to worry about syllable count, etc. The rhythm within here was kept consistent and flowed from one line to the next.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I discarded my halo eons ago,
another lifetime when I was soft
and destructible.

Like I said above that first line is great, and really gets this poem rolling and creates such a strong sound to it. I say that the beginning line and ending are two of the strongest within this poem. I enjoyed being able to relate to this poem with having that softer feel when you're younger and then as you get older you just discard your halo for a pair of horns.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a dark poem that has a lot of emotion behind it which I especially enjoyed. The only area I saw to suggest something was the 'You see...' but this line does work, especially since 'you' is repeated again within a few more lines a second time. This is just something for you to play with if you wanted to. I hope this little review of mine is helpful. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .