Tanya,

Coffee Does the Trick is a wonderfully unexpected title for this piece. The end of the story is marvelous!... Congratulations! You snagged me into reading more than my typical 500 word max limit... And I'm glad you did!

Holger and Birte are outstanding characters who are portrayed brilliantly! Holger's charm and humor (humour) are necessarily accentuated by Birte's curmudgeon-like demeanor. (They have very German-sounding names. Are they?...) I figured early on in the story that Holger was more of a law enforcement academician than a pragmatic, streetwise cop. Photography, within his duties as a police officer is his passion , but I think that it could or should have been something a little more male trait-oriented (i.e. he could be fast - so as to easily run down or run past a suspect, extraordinary ability to be charmingly sarcastic when handing out a ticket... something along those lines. He could have still kept his 'gayness' even with these more masculine actions and abilities.) Regardless, so much personality. And nearly flawless execution in setting up each scene and the ensuing banter between the partners.

Suggestions for improvement:

The third paragraph is the least understandably written - particularly the second half of the paragraph:

Holger was sure chief inspector Schmidt did it on purpose. His superior with homophobic tendencies had let slip once that he feared Holger would be a distraction for his male colleagues, and Holger figured that having him work longer hours and thus making it harder for him to keep himself in order was Schmidt's way of insuring nobody fell under Holger's spell. He clicked his tongue and waved his hand contemptuously. As if anyone could resist him!

maybe try something like this -

Holger was sure his superior with homophobic tendencies, Chief Inspector Schmidt, did it on purpose. Schmidt had let slip once that he feared Holger would be a distraction for his male colleagues. Holger figured the Chief had him work longer hours to make it harder for him to keep himself in order; convinced this was Schmidt's way of insuring nobody fell under Holger's spell. Holger clicked his tongue and waved his hand toward Birte contemptuously. As if anyone could resist him!

One other suggestion:

The colour had returned to his cheeks and he had straightened up, looking less messed up.

maybe try this to eliminate one of the "ups" in your original sentence:

The colour had returned to his cheeks and he had straightened up, still looking a mess, but less so.


That's it from me! Reading time very, very well spent!

Eddy Thalweg - - - - - P.S. Are you British? And will you review either Loveful or The Bright Red Toolbox in my port?... Thanks!