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*Balloonp* Welcome to LitlithofEden! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*

*Castle*Oh how delightful. I love tales of knights and Camelot lore so I was drawn to your poem on the Read A Newbie Page. It is true how watching or reading in the genre can get the muse active and get under your skin. *Delight*

Lovely! It feels like a stream of dream and the images float in a timeless way. You capture the essence of the times and ideals of Camelot: the light and the dark. I loved the image in line 4 of the forging. I think you need a comma after "tears".

So many vivid ideas that made me sad. I did wonder about the subject of the first verse--you talk about Eternal time--is it the requiem for the brave? If it is the subject of the sentence--then you need it to have a completion. I wanted to read a period after "ones" as your next line is a complete thought on its own.

PUnctuation is a choice in poetry and with this flowing kind of style I suggest you read through and maybe add a bit of punctuation to show when to pause-- it was mentioned to me once that the reader may not clearly get my way of saying or meaning it.
For example. comma after "solitude" . Does "immortal in death" go with the next line in meaning. then a comma might help. etc. For parts that could be read in different ways, better to be clear. It also gives in more potency. *Wink*

I think "winters" needs to be "winter's" to show possession.

I enjoyed the language and flow and the dramatic aura of the poem myself and could find the essence of the message. The soundscape of the vocabulary was well created as well. Lovely to read! *Star*

Thanks for sharing your vision into which I could dream! *Starstruck* I had fun there.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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