Hello cereyrunyon !

I love time travel adventures, and your premise sounds fantastic. Quite original, I think.

Personally, I don't think you did yourself any favours with the 'preface'. The appearance of the woman and her child (who both immediately made me think of Sarah Conner with John Conner in Terminator, because of the AI destroying humanity bit) is where your story truly begins, and they are such sympathetic and engaging characters, and the setting so fascinating, that I believe starting there would hook readers better. But, that's just my opinion. :)

… The developer new that this was the most important question that he -> The developer knew this was the most important question he…

The early programmers new that they could not teach AI anything, -> programmers knew they could…

AI had become God, but this god, was insane, and it was a child -> don't need comma after God

evening answering the question, whom is God. -> … even answering the question: who is God?

You tend to use 'that' an awful lot. I use a 'rule of thumb' for that. Cover that that that you're not sure about with that thumb that you can use for that job that you must do and then read that sentence aloud with that that that you're not sure about covered and then see if that sentence reads fine without that that that you're not sure about. ;)

Reading through, I found the setting of your story really fascinating. However, I'm concerned that you may be throwing too much at the reader too quickly. You may, in fact, be making the learning curve so steep that the readers cannot ascend it. Perhaps consider stepping back a bit and feeding the information in over several chapters. It's really interesting stuff, but I think that maybe readers' heads will explode from so much so soon, lol.

You have some fantastic ideas here and real conflict. I wish you all the very best with this project.

Best wishes,

Bob :D




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .