Hello Peaches !

I am your local and frolicking SB here. I'm reviewing today on behalf of the Power Reviewers group. I hope this review gives you a little bit of sunshine for your day.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
First impression- I found your story from raiding around in your port and I know that you are a brand new newbie. Welcome to WDC and I'm going to have some suggestion for you to play with this flash fiction story. These are just suggestions of mine and completely up to you. To start the first sentence is telling us that we fought too hard and long. I'd suggest rewording this so that you show us this length of time of fighting and the exhaustion from these characters. Here's an example:

Would play with this part: We stayed and fought too long. / But it happened too fast.
A different route you could go: Beads of sweat dripped down from the time spent fighting, etc. With the second part this is again more telling to us so would reword or remove it.

Our driveway and the cars were engulfed seconds after the flames jumped the road. - This part here you are doing a great job showing us what's happening within this story and putting us with your characters.

With this part:
I was yelling, I was yelling at her: 'you need to pull me over from the other side, get it, you need to pull me over!'-

This has more of passive voice with you telling us I was yelling at her. This is an easy fix though because you can have it switched around as a dialogue part to put us in the story with your characters:

"You need to pull me over from the side. Get it? You need to pull me over!" I yelled at her.

Things Which I Enjoyed
The inferno behind us was a roaring beast, ready to swallow us alive.

This is another example of a great description within this story. I feel like you have these really great, well-described parts mixed in with a little more telling parts that don't add as much or gets us in the action with your two characters. I also wonder what they were fighting about? And why were they staying and fighting too hard and long? Did they have an argument as a couple? Was it the argument about how to escape the flames and trying to decide what they were doing? So, I feel like these details can be added to this story to give us a clearer idea.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is flash fiction is a good start and I really enjoyed the action going on within here. You have flames, a fire, and a woman perishing in the end. There's a lot of tension going on which is great because it moves the story at a break neck pace and does a lot with the limitations of this being a flash fiction piece. I hope this little review of mine is helpful. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .