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Review #4257220
Viewing a review of:
Hook to Book, Round 3-Sheriff Sam Rabbit  [E]
Sheriff Sam Rabbit helps keep peace among the woodland animals...at least most of the time
by Schnujo is Late to Lannister
Review by Starling
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings {huser: Schnujo-Soldier Life Ended }

I am reviewing "Hook to Book, Round 3-Sheriff Sam Rabbit"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !
Title and Author:

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red

Plot::
Sam Rabbit used to be only a deputy, but now he was Sheriff. He took his job very seriously. When he was out checking on the animals of the forest, he was asked by Kat the Ryming Rat to help her find her rymes which had left her. While he was helping her look the was told a small baby mouse had fallen into a ravine. He rescued the mouse and then continued on helping Kat.

Hook:
Your hook is making it so everyone wants to know about Sam Rabbit. Very well done.

Opening Sentence and Paragraph:
First paragraph introduces the main character. Nicely done.

Characters Development:

Sheriff Sam Rabbit
Mayor Squirrel
Jimmy the Shrew
Ollie, the possum
Kat the Rhyming Rat
Sebastian the Wood Mouse
Cara the Raccoon


Dialogue:
The dialogue matches the tone of the book, simple and direct. It was easy to know who was talking.

Punctuation and Structure:
The fact was, he was sheriff (cap) and he took his job very seriously.

Each night he’d polish his star and iron (add ..ed) his vest. Each morning he’d don (add ..ned) his vest and pin that shining star to it.


Closing Statement
I enjoyed this first chapter. At first I thought it might be the whole story, but you reminded the reader at the end of the chapter, that there was still more to come. I'm picturing your audiance as say eight years old to very early teens possibly. It is a real cute story. Your personification of the different animals is very well done. I especially liked the idea that Cara had been in some type of special forces so she knew to throw the vine down.

Thank you for submitting.

Starling

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/07/2016 @ 3:52pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4257220