Greetings Elle - on hiatus

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !

In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red

Plot::
Jayden is an eleven year old boy who likes to write stories. He wants to write the best epic ever written. He sits in his room as starts. Soon his seven year old sister, Caitlin, comes into his room and asks him what he is doing. He reads what he has written and then continues to write, about going to the beach to try and find evidence of a dragon. When he looks up from the journal he finds himself, his sister and their dog at the beach. Other than writing in his journal that his parents had taken them there, he did not remember driving to the area.

It doesn't take long for him to realize what he writes in the journal comes true.

Hook:
While I think the story idea is very good, I don't think there is enough of a hook to keep a reader going until what is happening is explained.

Characters Development:

Jayden - eleven year old boy
Caitlin - Jayden's sister
Wiremu - old man at the beach


Dialogue:
I had no problem telling who was talking at any point in the story.

Punctuation and Structure:
It was an ordinary morning that gave no hint of the epic day yet to arrive. (I would remove this sentence since you use it better a few paragraphs down.)

Caitlin was 7. She was quite different to Jayden but he thought they got on pretty well. Sometimes they fought, but that was because Jayden was introverted and Caitlin was extroverted. (I have discovered most numbers are spelled out in longer stories. This is just a personal observation, though)

Excellent job at checking for errors. My two suggestions are the only thing I could find to highlight.

Closing Statement
Interesting story line. I enjoyed watching Jayden discover what was happening. Excellent add in about what the old man told them appearing in the story as if Jayden wrote it. Thank you for submitting.

Starling