*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4258404
Review #4258404
Viewing a review of:
The Lorelei Chronicles (First Chapter)  [13+]
Sample chapter: Professional wizard Michael Reeve banishes a demon, goes for a drink
by BD Mitchell
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings BD Mitchell:

I am reviewing "The Lorelei Chronicles (First Chapter)"  today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!"

OVERALL IMPRESSION
I liked that Michael Alastair Reeve was speaking to me and me alone. I liked having an audience with the wizard. He shared things with me, Things I shall take to the grave. (See what you've started?)

My Gawd, I enjoyed this to no end.

*Bookstack* What I Liked Best:
This was my favorite line: "The answer to the third question is "a really long-ass time". For the other two, I simply say... magic." It made me laugh out loud and then read it again and laugh again. It set the tone for the entire, uh, read, and now I'm in a really kick-ass good mood.

*Bookstack* Opener :
My name is Michael Alastair Reeve and I am -- for lack of a better term -- a wizard.

This is a great opener. It certainly grabs the attention. To that I am compelled to add: it doesn't actually lead into the story, but, would I be off base if I said I see this as a play? (Have you considered script writing it?)

Curtain up. Michael faces the audience and speaks. Then he turns back to the action and occasionally steps out to speak to the audience as things move along. It would work, and it would be funny as, er, hell.

As a story though, once we get past that first line, it slows a bit, and in another few minutes we realize what we've just read is an introduction that is for the most part, detached from the actual chapter-body.

... and yet, I like it. It's different. It's edgy. It's cool. I like it a lot.

*Bookstack* Plot:
I was riveted to your every word, again, because I so enjoyed the way you chose to present it. Those moments when Michael (Mickey) spoke directly to me were personal and quite entertaining. Wonderful experience. I imagine a favorite actor, Ian McKellen, but not as Gandalf; more as himself. It's his voice that lends to this character. And I'm hearing a British accent, to be sure. Hugh Jackman also came to mind, especially with the description. Both men have the range to play comedic and dramatic in a single scene. OMG! I'm casting it, aren't I. See? Toldja it was script-like.

*Bookstack* Character Development:
Now, this is a twist for this competition. Thus far, I've read Third Person Limited and First Person Simple, but you have chosen First Person Perfect, and I dare say, you've done it perfectly. You maintained Mickey's point of view without a single slip or even the hint of one, and he never deviated from the outstanding and engaging personality to gave him. It was a quick and easy read with no distractions from the skill/crafting arena. Bravo! Kudos and congratulations!

The title had me, at first looking for a woman, named Lorelei, but in no short order, you revealed Lorelei is the town (or realm?) -- it's the locale. As I have stated, Michael Alastair Reeve (Mickey) is our main character and protagonist, Harry, the bartender at the Grapevine, is a satyr, with a sarcastic personality of his own that rivals Mickey's, and the two are great friends who enjoy the back-and-forth of it, attempting to one-up each other with every remark until it crescendos into fits of laugher, as good friends are wont to do the world over. -- How wonderful and entertaining for the audience, uh, I mean the reader. *Rolleyes* (Of course, I mean the reader!) By the way, I appreciated the mention of Gandalf, and am guessing my remarks above amused you as well. So I'm leaving them in.

The bone-woman was an interesting character, and I don't know if she will reappear, or if she was just a vehicle to introduce Mickey's prowess and powers. Either way, she worked.

And I'm on the edge of my seat with wonder over who or what the erie presence was all about and where it will lead our wizard.

Your story is clever and creative and your tone carries a heady-steady beat, that commands Reader forward; just another layer to your exceptional writing talent.

Your skills are sharp and on point. Continuity, form, SPG, clarity, and hook are all present and appropriately accounted for. So I conclude this review here, with a simple request for more of the story as soon as The Chapter One Competition is over. (And, lucky for me, we are winding down as I type.)

OH WAIT! There was something...
"That goes both ways," I sneered. "How many nights do you spend getting pathetic losers drunk instead of dealing with you own family?" your *Bigsmile*

And I am adding this, more for other reviewers than for you, so they can see what I am so all-fired excited about: (You're all welcome.)

It was snowing in Lorelei. In my opinion, snow is the best kind of weather to fall in the city. Don't worry, I'm not the kind of sap who swoons at the untouched beauty of a frozen wonderland. No, I like the snow because it's quiet. Subdued. Almost -- dare I say it -- peaceful. The customary din of the urban cityscape becomes stifled by the thickness of it, and the usual deluge of people virtually disappears as everyone cowers indoors by their radiators. There's nothing left but snowflakes drifting lazily over silent buildings and empty streets. Just exquisite writing. Beautiful. I pictured Central Park in the snow, and it;s exactly like this.


CLOSING STATEMENT
Please, BD Mitchell, may I have some more?

Thank you, most sincerely, for joining in the Competition. It has been a true joy and a pleasure reading, and writing to you about, your chapter.

This review has been prepared for you
by a proud member of

** Image ID #1953557 Unavailable **

*Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/13/2016 @ 11:45pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4258404