Hello, bogengine

What I liked

I like that the poor turtle got rescued, but I love that the rescuer was a tad reluctant to leave his 'rest' phase and enter his 'hero' phase.

What might need work

If you'd showed the actual dialogue with the sister, or her subtle hand gestures ;), then we'd have a more engaging scene. When readers get to see/hear what's happening, it makes them feel like they're really there, ie. it engages them.

You have the potential for more conflict with the other driver. Maybe have them exchange words, and 'I' threaten to call the ASPCA or whatever you call it over there. Place obstacles in 'I's way and make him sweat for that turtle's salvation!

I Sounded out as my sister slammed on the breaks, -> brakes. Breaks are rests from work. (I actually once caught that one out in a Beta read for a best-selling author AFTER it had been professionally edited, lol) :)

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob :D




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .