%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4259993 |
 |  | The Pirate's Lady Part One  [ASR] Short story about a pirate and a bar maid.  |
| Hi, Princess. I found your wonderful story here. "Invalid Item" Setting Thanks for including your experiences and how they were transformed into a story. St. Augustine is one of my favorite places to visit, so it was easy to visualize a setting. This became more focused as the plot continued. I heard the men fighting, and saw Amarisa struggling. Maybe I even smelled spilled beer. Nicely done! The overall theme? A romance between a barmaid and a pirate? Now that's the stuff of dreams. Characters Amarisa (great name choice) quickly won my admiration and compassion for her situation. There was so little joy in her life, yet she tried to make the best of it. She struck me as partly plucky (for carrying on after losing her parents) and vulnerable for the same reason. Here was a woman deserving of love, with precious little hope-a fully-fleshed out character. Her longing was beautifully expressed in this one sentence.  What she wouldn't give for him to kiss her. Von Pearl right away struck me as no pirate. He played hero to Amarisa and stopped fights. That seemed to me the work of an honorable man. And yes, I picked up on his handsome looks. I think making a point to describe his appearance was a bright stroke to help the reader envision Von Pearl. I wanted to know more. Sophia was the mystery character. She walked in and out of the plot in one paragraph.  Amarisa and Von Pearl walked ...This is a confusing paragraph. First he did tell her, and in the next sentence he did not. I might have been turned around, though. I think breaking the sentences into smaller chunks would make the read easier. Lasting Impression You could not have shocked or delighted me more when I read the last paragraph. (Except for the part about Carlos.) Although I understand the need to add a twist or conflict. I'm sure the 'pirate' will save her. One thought: By the time I read the last line, I'd forgotten who Carlos was. Maybe a brief reference to his place in the story would help readers like me. I'm one person with an opinion. It was my privilege to read and review your work.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.