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Review #4260142
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Hi Moody Blue: Needs an Upgrade ,I found your writing because you asked for a review on the newsfeed. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
The title is a good one and covers the story, but it also gives away the plot. Now there are no surprises left. Perhaps another title after the contest is done?

General impressions
A nice story but since the reader knows there is going to be an intruder she is thinking in advance about who that may be. When you mentioned the estranged husband I immediately thought that would be him. Therefore the whole story was without surprise which was too bad since its beginning is a good one. I also quiet like the ending where she is going to call the police despite her knowing the intruder and despite the fact that he had used his key to enter the house, so technically it is not an intruder.

Favorite Parts
Penny started falling asleep in the recliner while proof-reading the manuscript of her latest novel. She closed it after placing a bookmark where she left off. Making the usual rounds around the house, she locked, closed, and set alarms for all windows, doors, and open areas. She drowsily dragged herself up the stairs to her room. It seemed there have been many robberies in the neighborhood. She didn't want to be next on the list.

A strong beginning, but also the best part of the whole story. Without it's surprise element the story remains kind of flat.

Suggestions
One typo: "Hello Penny," and calm voice replied. Must be: a calm voice replied?

Perhaps if you made him a drunk estranged husband, entering the house at 1 o clock and tripping over a figurine while he must have known it was there, him living in the house all that time prior to the estrangement. It would spice up the conversation perhaps and made it more realistic that she would call the police in stead of talking him out of the house herself.

Final thoughts
All in all a nice beginning of a story and with a few adjustments it would turn into an even better one. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/17/2016 @ 9:09am EDT
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