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Review #4260943
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*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with no concern.


Greetings Circuit Rider:

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." .
Thank you for including our mandatory phrase, "Happy sweet sixteen, WDC!"

*Bookstack* What I Liked Best:
I rather like the notion that Mary communicates on a one to one with the animals, and they assist her in determining what the HS folks are doing. Very cute and entertaining.

*Bookstack* Opener:
Mary Stillwaters is a Native American college student who is being watched by Homeland Security.

*Bookstack* Plot:
Some portion of the plot is revealed in this opening chapter and you pepper in some interesting characters. Mary, our MC has received a mail appearing to be a letter in two enveloped, one inside the other, both sealed. I wonder why. Though I do have an idea or two. also, while Homeland Security appears to be interested in Mary over her ability to communicate with the animals, I wonder if that is the whole of it. With her letter-writing friend, Wanita, working at Sea World, I wonder: does Wanita have similar powers, and are they are part of a network of some kind. Also who is the ghost? Interesting, and makes me want to read on.

What I particularly liked was that the agents, concluded this had to be some kind of joke training exercise their superiors were playing on them, and so they didn't really give it their all. Enjoyably realistic, in a comedic sort of way.

*Bookstack* Spelling Punctuation Grammar:I do believe the basis for your spelling punctuation and grammar is UK English, as I noted singular quotation marks, and what we, in the U.S., refer to as comma splices - using a comma as a period. I can also see some of the other reviewers have gotten caught up on that. Our guidelines asked authors to advise if not using United States English.
I'll offer two websites that have benefited me greatly when writing American, US or UK English.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
http://www.grammarbook.com/english_rules.asp


CLOSING STATEMENT
Thank you for joining in the Competition. It has been a pleasure reading your chapter. Your story is clever and creative, and quite frankly, fun!
I look forward to reading more of it.


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