Hello, Warped Sanity

What I liked

I love the creepy conclusion to your short tale, how you leave it up to the reader to imagine what happens to poor Meredith. (Meredith always makes me think of Vampire Diaries because I never met a Meredith in real life.) I think it's pretty obvious what happens next, but it makes it stronger forcing the reader to imagine it.

What might need work

When Detective Hall arrives, your narrative just states that it's him. If we're in Meredith's PoV, she probably won't have met him before. Also, we don't know what he looks like. So, if you can work it in around the word count constraints, show that a, for example, burley guy walked through the door with a brass detective's badge fastened onto his straining belt and a pistol butt just showing near the edge of his jacket lapel. Something like that.

When she's reading the note, maybe add some dank, musty smell to engage the reader's sense of smell. After all, it's been burried since Elmer died six months ago. Also, a dank, musty smell will foreshadow something dark.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob :D




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .