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Review #4260972
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*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings Paul D:

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." .
Thank you for including our mandatory phrase, "Happy sweet sixteen, WDC!"

*Bookstack* What I Liked Best:
Otto. I really had feelings for Otto

You have the basis here for a fantastic story. You've got a good grasp on the written word and on how to build a character. Your plot comes through, though at times I had to work to find it amongst all the back and forth between too many characters. I would suggest you limit chapter one to only the one POV and give each introductory chapter its own character's POV to tell it from

Now, as for the hooks; you had several and all made me want to know more. So you've done your job here, but my experience as a reader would have been enriched by . . . I guess by being given less information. I was overloaded with it, and thus overwhelmed. My affections leaned toward Otto but he was snatched away too quickly. I want more of him.

In spite of that I still want to read more, so there you have it. I would buy it. (Except for those goll dang Acronyms! *Shock* The minute I get to one and can't find the meaning after I go back and forth through a first chapter, is the last minute that book will see of me.


CLOSING STATEMENT
Thank you for joining in the Competition. It has been a pleasure reading your chapter.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/20/2016 @ 5:41pm EDT
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