Hello again, Vanishing Vapor !

Congratulations on getting this poem featured in the poetry newsletter.

What I liked

I love the theme of the poem — the joy gained from helping and inspiring people. I especially enjoyed the images, such as the use of statues.

This line made me laugh aloud: made a mental note not to do anything like this again.

I liked the structure, most rhymes, and the nice alliteration at the end with poem/preach.

What might need work


Then instruct a few classes in which the syllable I'd draft, - Then instruct a few classes for which the syllabus I'd draft — not syllable.

myself/elves — not a strong rhyme

Silent, still and wide eyed as if a frozen statue of a child. -> there's more than one child, so make the simile plural, too, to match, eg. as if all frozen statues of a child.

Then suddenly they broke into applause and I felt like I would faint -> sentences where two independent clauses are joined by a conjunction must use a comma unless the clauses are both very short.

http://www.smart-words.org/linking-words/conjunctions.html

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob :D




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .