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Review #4261968
Viewing a review of:
Near and Dear  [E]
Critiques are welcome.
by Dwelling in Solitude
Review of Near and Dear  
Review by
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


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Hi Dwelling in Solitude ,I found your writing at the please review page. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight* This is the reading of only one individual, so take out what you can use and disregard the rest.

On Title/Subject
The title was a mystery to me. I didn't get it. And there was no sub line clarifying the story. Maybe you would reconsider? The content of the story was interesting, about a man gone haywire on his girl friend and her unborn baby having another girl and unborn baby at the side.

General impressions
Unfortunately the story drowned in the words I had to look up in a thesaurus. They were so many I stopped looking them up, having trouble really getting the different meaning you displayed in this short story. To my taste too many difficult words to fully appreciate the story. It hindered the reading. Pace and rhythm were a bit off because of it.

Favorite Parts
Yes. Two become one. Like butter melting on toast.
Like water trickling through wine.
Blood to blood. Bone to bone. Flesh to flesh.
Sear and crisp up her skin like bacon in the sizzling olive oil.
Simmer the joints and bones to create a broth that gels.
Mince and roll the marinated meat into balls.
Mill the bones into fine powder as condiment.
Grill the sliced and seasoned tenderloins with rich gravy.
Consume all, once and for all.


Very scary, indeed.I loved this almost prose poem like part in the story.

Suggestions
I had trouble believing this story because I didn't follow the psychology of the main character in doing and behaving like he did. Also because of all the dictionary words you used, it wasn't a realistic story but a construed one by a writer. That hindered the pace and the impact tremendously. Maybe if you added more motive in the story?

Final thoughts
All in all I had trouble reading and fully appreciate this short story. Psychology was absent and therefore very unbelievable. Too bad since in itself the plot was great. Also I totally missed any emotion in this horrific tale.

Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

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