You did a fine job of solving a mystery in 16 sentences. This was not an easy prompt, as you not only had to have a mystery solved quite succinctly, it had to be exactly sixteen sentences. This is where the creativity of writing clear sentences without run-ons is very critical.

You have done the mystery prompt justice and proved it is possible. Not just that, but I do believe you were one of the first entries we received. I didn't think many were going to take the plunge, but they came around once they saw it was possible.

Observations:

"took down the make and serial # [number] (write out number rather than using the pound sign, it's less distracting in a story.) on the handgun"

"Hall and another Detective by name of Blake attended middle school in this section of the country, and walked through this street on their way to and fro ("from" would be a better word to use. Keeping it simple, so readers don't think you forgot the "m".) school each and every weekday."


I suggest writing a little tighter. Many unneeded words could have been left out and the reader would still get the full picture.

"Only years later, Phelps discovered a picture of taken by a neighbor - or supposedly taken by a neighbor - that clearly showed the Rotties still chained to the tree during the alleged date/time of the "attack": the back of the Kodak film clearly registered both date and time."


TRY: Years later, Phelps discovered a picture, with the time and date stamped on it, clearly showing the Rottweilers still tethered to the sycamore tree when the alleged attack took place.

This gives the reader a clear picture showing the dogs couldn't have attacked the neighbor, which was the cause of their euthanasia.


Love this: "SICK 'EM MORE!"
Clever play on words for the Sycamore tree.


Can I just say, poor Hush Puppy!

Very creative use of the prompt.

Leaner on the words, which sounds a bit strange when you are talking about solving a mystery in 16 sentences, but it's still true. Write tighter with these flash fictions and you will be in a win-win situation where your story telling is concerned. I am watching you grow from an accomplished poet to a talented storyteller.

Well done!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

You responded to this review 09/26/2016 @ 10:53pm EDT

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