Hello, papergirl

What I liked

This is a fantastic premise for a poem. The idea that a person can find joy in the more simple thing in life and also with the human communion with close members of one's family and also sharing one another's happiness. That I loved.

What might need work

Beware mixed metaphors that can contradict on a subconscious level.

You've described two actions/behaviour patterns than set apart the protagonist from her sister: reading books and going to the fair. However, think about the deeper implications of both actions. A person who finds joy in books sends an image of someone who does not go out to the fair and engage in thrilling activities. Yes, that's a stereotype, but in poems or short stories we often pin big ideas on stereotypes in order to get across large concepts in few words. Many readers would expect the stay home sister to be the one who reads books.

I'd recommend you leave out the beautiful book metaphor and use it in a separate poem about the joy of escape in literature and make this poem just about the protagonist with her sister and father at the carnival, and her regret that the other sister cannot share such simple pleasures.

However, always remember it's your poem. Write what works for you.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .