This was such a fun read. You did a great job with the prompt, keeping the mystery moving along swiftly and quite entertaining.

There were some gruesome and grizzly events that took place and became the meat and "bones" of the story.


Observations:

“Oh, the irony of it all, my own dog is getting me arrested for burying a box with my money in it; by the way, that money if [is] what I lent Marty to keep the lone [loan]sharks at bay." Todd said.

“Ahhh, so he owed the lone [loan] sharks, and this must be the money you loaned him?”

These two consecutive sentences are repetitive. The reader understands he loaned money to help keep Marty safe from the loan sharks.

TRY: So you believe this dug-up money was meant to pay-off that debt?



You did a nice job keeping the story succinct, And even though it was a 16 sentence story, you did not go overboard using run-on sentences. A mystery was solved within the required 16 sentences and it painted a huge picture for your reader.

You responded to this review 10/05/2016 @ 2:27pm EDT

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