I am also reviewing your story as a judge for "The Bard's Hall Contest" . Thank you for entering!

You penned a fine mystery story and solved it in sixteen sentences. Kudos for jumping in and going for it because it's not an easy thing to accomplish.


Not only did you solve the mystery as described in the prompt, you also made it interesting. There was a past case that had not been solved and the dog's digging unearthed evidence at different spots in Bardstown. You kept the clues coming in so the solving of the case would be feasible.

Good job!


Observations


"Detective Hall and Sergeant Carroll, two of the town’s best officers, sped to the scene of what sounded like it might be a crime scene cover up. Just as the caller had described, there was a gun and a metal box of cash. Sergeant Carroll took pictures of the scene and, using gloves,"

Repeated use of the word "scene" close together in the above lines.

TRY: Detective Hall and Sergeant Carroll, two of the town’s best officers, sped off to the place holding the clues, which may help them solve a recent robbery.

The word "scene" doesn't appear in this sentence, thus can be used the last sentence above without being redundant.


"Using all their police training, those on duty began working the case, starting a file, and writing what they knew on the giant dry erase board that was normally used for writing lunch orders and phone messages." Yup, repeat of writing in the same sentence. One of the words could be replaced with "scribbling."

Other than a few repeated words, too close together, this story had a fine mystery plot and was succinctly solved in the end.

You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore

Upgraded Membership required to use macros.Create custom macros to insert text in this editor. [Beta] X   GIPHY Search   Send a reply... Include Gift Points