Hello, Elendarin

I saw your poem in the newbies newsletter. I'm a newbie myself, so I thought I'd take a look.

What I liked

I like the name Lilith. It's such a meaning packed name, from the jilted first wife of Adam to the mother of all vampires, depending upon your viewpoint. Vampire would fit better into your piece. I like the ambiguity. At the end of your poem, I was uncertain whether Lilith was in your mind or a real person. That's great. I also like your use if bold type for emphasis.

What might need work

There's nothing wrong with the structure or sound of your verse, so I'll pick up on a few style issues.

When stating small numbers in poetry or prose, it's better to write them out rather than use numerals, ie. twelve not 12.

When quoting speech punctuation belongs inside the speech marks not outside, eg. "You didn't need me then," you later told me.

You're using two hyphens where I think you mean emdash. If you hold down 'Alt' on your keypad and then tap in 0151 on your numeric pad, that should produce an emdash on Word, on this site and most others. Similarly, the ellipsis is 'Alt' 0133. Try it.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .