*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4265075
Review #4265075
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Puppet  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
PLOT -
Two cops show up to a crime scene. The younger one is scared and ready to shoot anything that moves. The older officer has the presence of mind not to disturb the scene, and knows the victim is deceased.

SETTING -
You described the murder scene well and that of the younger officer ready to shoot to kill.

CHARACTERS -
I think this would read smoother if you named your officers. It would also save on word count when writing for contests. The older cop's experience showed. The younger officer wasn't used to this kind of scene, which was evident as he vomited in the corner. I am assuming he was scared, which made him trigger ready. If he was, you could show this a little bit more with a gasp or shaking when he raised his fire arm.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
They didn’t have far to go before coming up~upon their crime scene.

the older cop called in the CSIs~CSI's wishing he could spare them what they had seen.

No dialogue.

THOUGHTS -
Good descriptions of the murder scene and the way the victim was strung up, comparing it to a marionette. That brought a good visual to mind. I wondered if there were any smells from the blood, often described as metallic. Good luck in the contest.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/09/2016 @ 5:19pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4265075