Hi DJGRIFWRITES,

Thank you so much for entering "Invalid Item" .


How did the writing make me feel?
I liked it. It gave me the shivers especially when I read about what they gave the pale man.


Can I relate to the writing through a personal experience?
It would give me the creeps if I could relate to it. Yikes! But this is a good thing because a horror story is meant to scare your readers.


Did the plot interest me? Were the characters believable? Did the dialog flow naturally?
Yes, the story interested me. I think the characters were believable. I think people can do anything for money such as Chester and Jake. Great work on the characters. The pale man looked like a zombie or monster of some sort. I liked they way you described him.


Did the time, place and other setting characteristics work together?
I liked the way you spoke about the town. The second time when Chester and Jake returned, I like the way you described the town: All they saw were large pools of blood . . . splashed up against Waterston’s previously white buildings . . ." Very scary and visual. I wonder how the town smelled.


What stood out for me?
The residents not living in Waterston.What did that pale guy do? Where were the residents?


I liked the way you followed the prompt but I think you could ave done a better job. I didn't actually see a party. And it was more about the town than the Lane in your story. But that didn't stop me from enjoying the story.

Was the writing memorable? Why or why not?
Yes because I'll keep on wondering where the pale guy chased the monsters off to.


If this were my own writing, what would I want to know from a reviewer?
I always want to know whether I wrote my story in active or passive voice. Recently I learnt that using "to be" verbs and auxiliary verbs make the writing passive voice. At this point I wouldn't comment since I too am working on it.


Overall, great story. Write on!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .