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Review #4265879
Viewing a review of:
 Thanksgiving Break Part 1  [13+]
Adam comes back to visit Chelsea, but doesn't find the same girl he left.
by Purple Princess
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hello there, Purple Princess
This is a Simply Positive Review! *Gears*


*Web2* Oh, you are not going to leave us hanging like that at the end of this story. *Laugh* I'm like, okay and he says right back to her ...

*Flipflops7* Nice little budding romance showing in this first chapter of your story. I see that this item is a contest entry, and it appears it will become a chapter book at some point.

*ButterflyO* It's amazing how a contest entry can lead to turning a story into a novel or novella. That happened to me from a contest entry, also. You begin to have your characters get into your head and then they sort of write the story for you.

*LeafY* I like the couple, I felt the nervous worry of the guy as he waited for his girlfriend to show up at their meeting place. I felt the turmoil of her, because family stress can put a lot of negative emotions within a relationship.

Observation:

"He only had the four days to spend with her, and the first was drawing close to a quick end."
I think a better way to state this would be: ... and the first was drawing quickly to the end. (tighter and to the point)

*Candycorn* This chapter has a fine hook that makes the reader wonder what will happen next for this couple. One thing is for sure, we know the father will make trouble for them.


Well done! *Web3*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch *Witch*




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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4265879