Hi there, SisterCrow! I just read your chapter of ASHLANDS and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope you'll find my comments helpful, encouraging, and uplifting!

Initial Reaction

This was a beautifully-written snapshot of an unlikely automaton character's longing for affection and humanity. You have piqued my interest and my sympathy for poor Tommy, and now I need to know more!

Plot/Theme

I really loved your theme of an automaton being specially created to feel as humans do. It's interesting to read about the struggles Tommy faces, because he has the choice to revert back to a purely mechanical state free of pain--but also free of love. It presents a great thematic question and choice for Tommy--does he continue to suffer and hope for fulfilling love, or will he seek the ultimate escape and give up the indescribable gift his Maker gave him?

Character Development/Flow

I loved the way your chapter walks us through Tommy's past and present experiences and that he has a reason for climbing up to see the stars. His childlike prayer to his Maker really endears Tommy to the reader. We see in him the heart of a child who just wants to be loved, although this likeness to a child also reveals that he is something not quite human.

Grammar/Word Choice

I didn't note much in the way of grammatical errors except maybe a lack of commas here and there.

Technical Aspects

For an opening chapter, I think this chapter does what it's supposed to do on a technical level. We have a perfect characteristic moment for Tommy as he's silently speaking to his Maker. We have a hook that draws us in, as we know Tommy is a unique protagonist from the descriptions of his automaton body in the opening paragraphs. We get to know what he wants the most--affection--and some of what his conflict is--that he's different and some of his fellow human workers let him know it.

Overall Suggestions/Encouragements

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and could not find much of anything to criticize. I look forward to reading more of this story in the future! Keep writing!

I hope you can take something meaningful from my feedback, and as YOU are the author, please know that at the end of the day, this is YOUR piece and my suggestions are only that--suggestions.

Thank you for sharing your work with the WdC Community!

Write On!

AlyCatAuthor

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .