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Review #4266342
Viewing a review of:
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Tracks and Trails  
Review by ~Minja~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Mari McKee
It's been a pleasure to review your "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 
My review is just my opinion.



*Starb* Description (title, beginning, the end?)

I'm doing a challenge in "a very Wodehouse challenge"  and one of the tasks is to send reviews to submitted entries in "Invalid Item" . This story of yours has equally interesting parts like the one I reviewed earlier. You, for sure, are becoming an expert in personification. I love the names you have chosen for the tracks here. That all looks great for the children's story as well because it has the happy end. I cannot but think of Thomas and Friends here. Again, you managed to interpret so much in this short writing. I was hooked and entertained with dialogue between Chip and Ted, the way you gave them smart and carrying characteristics.

The ending is the only thing I'd make my suggestions to. In the last two sentences I'd maybe have it a little bit different because if they stand like this the ending feels rushed or forced because of the word count rules. Maybe you could have described a train coming in the last moments before they were straighten up? In the sentence before the last one they were like waiting for the train to come and straight in the last sentence you had them screaming with joy as the train runs over. I expected to read about train whistling, announcing his coming or something. I think it would add more excitement to the story. I see you were lack of the words because of the contest rules, I'd maybe rewrite the ending now when the round is over? Just my suggestion though. You could turn it into nice story for the children as I mentioned above. Thanks for sharing your writing with me. All smiles.. *Smile*.




~Minja~
Founder of "Invalid Item" 
*Pencil* Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little *Pencil*
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/15/2016 @ 4:15pm EDT
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