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Review #4267524
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Hi Dalimer Corwyn ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit. *Delight*

On Title/Subject
An intriguing title about bleach. I thought to look into it because this was a very nasty prompt of SCREAMS!!! and I was interested in how you handled it. In a way you didn't use the prompt properly because there was no bleach in the house. The main character used other stuff to try to get the stain in her white blouse come out. But I got your drift so I read on.

General impressions
The POVs in this story were slightly off to my opinion. It slowed down the pace of this short story because I had to switch between the sisters and ask myself every time which sister said what and which sister acted. Maybe you can look into that once more.

The turning one sister into a zombie was very abrupt, too abrupt maybe, therefore to me a little bit unrealistic, and I didn't buy it. It is very important that the reader believes what the writer is telling so maybe you could look into that part as well. Furthermore, I had some difficulties with the violent ending being the rape and murder of a young man by a zombie girl. I am not a fan of zombie tales so this one was a bit too violent for my taste. And I think I couldn't appreciate this story as much as others would, probably.

Favorite Parts
She eyed the chemicals on the overhead shelf with no luck, just laundry detergent, fabric softener, bug sprays and whatnot. There has to be something she could concoct to take the stain out. Shrugging, she grabbed everything in the collection, and dripped a drop of each chemical, anywhere from detergent and fabric softeners to insecticide and mopping solution. People always said she swam on the shallow side of the gene pool. She never knew what that meant, but she was, if anything, resourceful enough to get her out of any situation.

A great scene with a very good description viewed like in a movie.

Suggestions
Look at the POVs again because it did turn me off a little bit.

Final thoughts
All in all a great idea of a story but the execution can be improved a little bit. But thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/18/2016 @ 12:40pm EDT
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