Hello, Izzy's Writing

What I liked

What a sweet tale of young love. Elizabeth and Niklas/Kronner are both rounded and truly sympathetic characters, their love story is very sweet, there's clear resolution, and your narrative style is very clear and easy to follow with few mistakes and some really cute asides and distinctive phrases.

Well done!

What might need work

The following may or may not be useful because I am unsure whether this story is fact or fiction. If it's fact, you may as well stop reading now. If it's fiction, or you wish to add a fictional element, then read on.

If it's fact, you don't need to change anything, except maybe to explain where and what Kronner is since in the beginning Nicklas says his nicknames are Nicky or Nik, but then in the final scenes of your story he is called Nicklas in narrative but addressed as Kronner in speech by both his friend and Elizabeth with no explanation of where the name Kronner comes from. Also, I'd kinda like an explanation somewhere in the story of why a Swede is in the US.

The initial conflict/barrier to love of your sweet story is Elizabeth's austism. That's cool as an initial hook and conflict. However, it's not enough to create sufficient conflict and tension for the story as a whole, imho. You see, it's clear from the very beggining that Elizabeth and Nicklas are both awesome people and very much into each other, so from the moment they meet, the reader is pretty convinced they'll be together by the end of the story.

To fix that, you need to throw some "nasty" stuff at the two young lovers to prevent their eventual Union and make the reader believe them dating is impossible, but then bring in some kind of end twist so they can be together.

For example. When Dad arrives on the scene, you could have him all Montigue and Capulet, over protective of his autistic daughter and so unwilling to allow her to date as he feels the young man will inevitably hurt her. Readers will empathise with both the couple and the father since they all want good things for Elizabeth, and so then the story becomes about how Elizabeth convinces her father to allow her to date Nicklas. Or you might throw in another character to come between them, such as the captain of the hockey team gets into Elizabeth, or the head cheerleader falls for Niclas. Only one of those conflict/barriers, though. It's a short story, so no need to make it too complex.


Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .