Hello, Kyle

What I liked

You have an awesome premise. Of course, it reminds me of The Time Traveller's Wife, since he also time travels like this and feels nauseous after a jump. However, your story is original in that he usually travels to significant historical events.

What might need work

No one else had seemed to notice that the car's parked along the street - cars, no possessive apostrophe.

My legs were wobbly, thighs were on fire and I felt like my heart was beating at a million miles per hour. - there's actually nothing wrong with using the continuous past tense, but it's not always nesessary, and can become distracting in a longer sentence. Consider a more active voice here, eg. My legs wobbled, my thighs burned, and my heart beat at a million miles per hour.

. I slumped down on my couch and flicked on the T.V, it was almost time for my favourite TV show - I don't think you really need to stick periods into such a well used acronym as TV, but if you do then be consistent and use both periods and in every use, ie. on the T.V., it was... and ...favourite T.V. show. Noting that you use British spelling, however, I'd recommend no full stops in acronyms.

That had to of been the greatest game ever played!" - That had to have been, or, That must have been - but since his travels always take him to the same location's past, why would two other cities' teams be playing in his city? And which city is he in anyway. With the British spelling, I'd assumed England before you mentioned NFL.

Normally there's taxi's all over the place, - taxis, no possessive apostrophe

Maybe what happened in my episode was just my brains way of - here brain's needs a possessive apostrophe!

You mention work and coworkers, but never say what his job is. What he actually does could help round out his character for the reader.

luckily the pub we had went to was only a short walk from there. - had gone to

Where he could have gone," - Where could he have gone? Question mark

. They were at a lost to explain - a loss

Him dying of old age is a really great idea, but wouldn't there be more signs of this in the lead up, such as his hair turning grey and wrinkles, and maybe the doctors diagnosing his condition as premature aging before he dies?

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .