** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi Biblioboy ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit.

On Title/Subject
I didn't get the title since this is part of a larger project? Maybe you should care to add a plot description or synopsis for the total play with every piece, so the reader knows where the story is situated into the whole play.

General impressions
This was a fun experience for me because a theater play is something completely different to read and appreciate than a short story or a poem. This was my first at WdC although I am familiar with writing plays myself since i wrote a (Dutch) lunch play in the past that actually was performed by a local theater group. So I was thrilled to read this piece.

I loved it you added music to the scenes. i am going to Google search later. Great way to add to the atmosphere of the play.

I had to read it out loud. That way I could understand the play better (one of the main differences with reading a "normal" story). So, I dived in.

* First chuckle: the New Castle United remark.
* Jason: "or in danger of being lifted." Didn't understand this remark. Is he in favor of gang attacks? What does this mean?
* Jonathan:"But don't you think....his muscle." Didn't understand this remark.
* Jonathan: "At the apex of the ARC ...worth having he." What's ARC?
* Susan: what is Subbuteo?
* prairie fire myth? What does that mean?

The text is working towards riot between somebody. Great building up tension into the fight between Marti and Lee.

It is not easy to write a theater play. A lot of text from the mouths of the characters. Maybe too much sometimes? I would suggest adjusting some remarks as they are too long to hold the attention of the reader or the audience of the play.

Try to find ways to make them more like real personalities within the text. The reader wants to feel something for the characters.

I loved it you manage to give your characters a personal voice. Very well done.

Final thoughts
All in all a great effort to create the first episode of a larger play. It is not finished so I wish you luck with the rest of the story. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive