** Image ID #2093814 Unavailable **

Hi sugarglider58,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirit.


On Title/Subject
The title is very well chosen, it is a Screams!!! entry, but you could add a sub line after the contest. It would lure people in to read and review this story. I was most intrigued in what this story was about.

General impressions
Since I am from abroad I don't know how things are at high schools in the States and I found it a very good story on the ins and outs of a teenager's life in the States. I presumed it's setting was the States, anyhow. It was therefore highly entertaining. The writer takes the reader into the mysteries of a high school girl and a popularity contest. I loved the way the tension was build in this story and I had no idea where it was heading. You fleshed out the main character and the school life very well, so the reader has sympathy for this lonely girl amidst hundreds of other teenagers.

Favorite Parts
Lynn still resented her parents’ move to Frittlesburg, still missed her old school and old friends, and hadn’t tried particularly hard to make new ones. In truth, the kids at Frittlesburg High School were...weird. As tall as Lynn was, they all were taller. As fast as she ran in PE class, most of them, even the overweight kids, ran faster. They never asked questions in Trigonometry, so, although class never went over time, there was always a creepy stillness in the room when Mr. Farrar dismissed them. Three weeks into the new semester, she was still eating lunch alone every day.

Very amusing start of the story. I especially liked: As tall as Lynn was, they all were taller. As fast as she ran in PE class, most of them, even the overweight kids, ran faster.

I assume PE is Physical Education?

Suggestions
As you take your time to build up tension and to give out clues as to where this story is going, I find the ending a little too abrupt. Since it is a very nasty ending as well I would have liked a little bit more words spend.

It was a gruesome ending as well, with potential rape? Did I read that well? I didn't particular like that part. But you chose your words. It was too nasty for me so I left this story feeling uneasy. But hey, that's an emotion too.

One other thing: PA system? Is that personal announcement?

Final thoughts
All in all a great story right up until the ending. I loved the pace, the character build, and the setting very much. You lost me a little at the very end. If she would have been simply murdered I would have liked it better.
Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive