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 Review #4269816 |
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| (4.0)  It's great to see that you are adding to your portfolio. I found this item on the "Review A Newbie" page. This is quite the story of young love that is ever present throughout a lifetime. Your prose-poem takes the reader through a forty year span. We were seeing the images through Michael's eyes, how he survived the war, and how he longed to see the woman he left behind. We can picture him, and have a good idea of his characteristics. We know he was painfully timid in his youth, but war makes a man out of a child, quickly. We later find out that she, too, longed to be with him. It is a beautiful part of the poem. Observations: I found a couple discrepancies or oddities in a few places. "I left for the service on a cold day A year after the day we had met I saw new worlds went were I may But thought of her when the sun set And this should be the end of this lay"  For some reason, this verse seems a bit awkward, and has a feel of forcing the rhyme word at the end. The third line is a little confusing. Perhaps "were" should be where?"But after four years I came back home" "It’s been forty years since you went away"  Was it four years or forty? I know she did not recognize him at the door, so it must have been forty years. Yet, I wonder if I missed something? Was he out of the service after four years and was disabled from injuries and just waited almost forty years to visit her? Or, was "four" in that line above supposed to be forty? A little clarification would make this poem shine.  I loved the ending, for the readers understand that even this late in life, true love will shine through. It was a very sweet conclusion, or rather beginning for their story as a couple reunited. Well done! Until next time--write on! Regards, WebWitch   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 10/25/2016 @ 11:27pm EDT