Hello, Monty

What I liked

I like that there was clear conflict and resolution in this story, and it was romantic. I also liked the strong structure employing a variant of common metre.

What might need work

After the story poem contest is over (since corrections aren't allowed after posting, I think) I'd suggest you put the first stanza in speech marks. On first read I was a bit thrown by the change of viewpoint narrative from first person to third between first and third stanzas, but if the first had been in speech marks, then I would have understood that part was spoken aloud.

Thou hell should bar my way. - I think you mean, 'Though Hell should'. On first read I got confused because I was reading this as 'You, Hell, should bar my way'

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .