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Review #4278693
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Review by Nixie
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi ExChad. I found your story by searching the newbie page.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



The hook
I liked the single word that comprised the title, but the brief description wasn't much of a description. Maybe consider something more to clue in the reader.

Overall Impression
Is the statement within an observation of the unfairness of profiling? Or merely opportunistic for a man with no place to go?

The mood is heavy with danger, and the words immediately give readers the feeling of impending doom. Nothing good can come from this man. I walked beside him, wondering where he was going, and what would determine his actions. Learning what the nicknames meant showed two sides of the man, as perceived through those looking in the daylight, and those watching him in the dark. I wondered what came next.

A few thoughts
Once the action begins, a third name is introduced. I suppose since the terrorists don't know the man, they weren't alarmed by the silencer Q was carrying. Kinda dumb on their part. I understand their reasoning, no harm can come from a silencer without a pistol. And the story actually needed this to happen so Q can launch into action.

And what exactly happened in the conclusion, what was the point? Q kills the guy, and then flashes a fake Interpol badge. Is he planning on turning the terrorists in? How would that be possible, if he's a man without mooring? Maybe if the badge was authentic, the story would have a twist at the conclusion.

The opening sentence and paragraph needs to be sharp and concise. Using the passive verb [was] crippled the critical moment.

Lasting Impression
Forgive me if I missed the intent of the story. Sometimes I 'talk it out the author' to resolve any misunderstanding. But nothing came to me.

Congrats on writing your first story! It takes bravery to put one's work out there and stay strong through the incoming reviews. Please remember, I'm only one reader with an opinion. Keep writing!



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