*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4278750
Review #4278750
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Captain. Nixie, here. I found your story by searching the Newbie page.

Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


The Hook
It's possible to write a more compelling title and a brief description of the story to entice the reader. Your choice, of course. *Wink*

Overall Impression
So, this story came from a prompt about a lady with an umbrella. Wow, you took this to a whole other area, something unique and fascinating. The reader just has to get around the bumps along the way.

A few thoughts
Wouldn't it be amazing if something like this was happening right now? Not the destruction of a city, but plans to alter one small place to experiment with weather control. Would it be possible to correct some of the damage man has inflicted on earth, and possibly slow down the inevitable end of our home?

Or would it prove to be disastrous?

I liked your characters. The opening dialogue between the woman (I couldn't find her name) and Matt kicked the story into high gear. The two obviously had history, as the conversation was both mocking and friendly.

The characters expanded in to a team of friends, who have also been working on experiments. Here again, the dialogue and action excelled.

Oops.
truely > truly
ajuster- > adjuster
acoplished > accomplished
remember > remembered
impossable > impossible
With out > Without
The looked > They looked
It all made sence in theory > sense
enevitable > inevitable
costant > constant
All her freind surrounded > friend
It had only been ment > meant
but the distruptions was much > disruption was or disruptions were
She (200) said feeling > ?
should probably go find her." He said, popping > he said, popping

*Idea* Suggestion
Use more paragraphing for an easier read. Right now, this is a solid block of text, which can be off-putting.


Lasting Impression
In your bio you stated you never finished anything. Lots of writers leave open endings. With a bit of editing and paring down on words, you'd have a top-notch story! Keep on writing! And remember, I'm only one person with an opinion. *Wink*



A beautiful Simply Positive Reviewing Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 12/01/2016 @ 11:06am EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4278750