Hello, Mari McKee

What I liked

What a wonderful story! I particularly liked the loop de loops the Angel flew in celebration, the revelation of the special gift, and the little twist in the resolution where Amanda thought she was only dreaming, but the star and note proved she was not. Brilliant!

What might need work

The very last sentence is missing punctuation.

Consider using less exclamation marks. When you use so many, they lose impact.

I feel thirteen may be a little old for the protagonist. We all know that the typical teenager is grouchy and surly, not at all Amanda's character. If she were, say, eight or nine, the story would feel more plausible, imho. If she were only eight, though, Chapstick would be more suitable than lipstick in the story.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .