Hello, S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep

What I liked

This is a very sweet story. Sapphire is an adorable character.

What might need work

You still have a lot of word space you can use. Consider applying the "try-fail" technique and making Sapphire's job more difficult, adding to the tension.

In the opening speech, consider using an ellipsis at the end to indicate a trailing off of speech,ie. goes to...

Her wings started to flutter on their own accord and Sapphire's feet started to lift off the floor. - here you use the stall word "started" twice in the same sentence. Consider omitting the second usage. Also note that it's customary to place a comma before a conjunction that links two independent clauses unless both are very short.

Reaching out she placed the star on the very edge, - did you mean "pinnacle" here? Peak/top/point? Edge doesn't sound like the top to me.

Her reflection shown a little girl she once was, - did you mean, "Her reflection showed the little girl she once was" or "Her reflection showed her for the little girl she was"? I found the clause difficult to comprehend.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob



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