Hello, qoheleth

What I liked

I can't understand why this story has received such low ratings. Yes, it's a Buffy copycat, but that's deliberate judging by the introduction. Also, the character flaws (drug addiction, God's voice and Jean's attitude) are original takes on the concept. I thought that the fight action in particularly was well written, as was Jean's introduction to the reader. It made me think of Scott Pilgrim a little in its video game format like structure, fighting one guy, then minions, then the big boss.

What might need work

It was a long, hard night for her. - did you mean, "It had been a long, hard night for her."?

The reason some readers may have given this a low rating is that Jean's progress until she meets the boss at the end is too successful. She encounters no problems she can't solve or even has a problem with. Consider using more try-fails before the climactic scene, making Jean's progress more of a struggle for her.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .