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 Review #4279654 |
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| (4.0)  Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself.   Good Points:I found that the story and the title were very much in synch with each other. I enjoyed the thought of a tiny angel earning the job of putting the star on the Christmas tree. It reminds me of my own childhood and our Christmas tree. We had a very beautiful star that lit up and turned on the inside. Always the last thing that went on the tree.  Grammatical Problems?There were a few grammatical errors with regard to how the words were placed and extra words which were just not needed. For instance in this sentence.... "The elder angel held it closer to her and she took it." You could leave out - "...to her and..." because we know the elder angel is holding it out to her already. What you could do is tell us how she took it. Since she's a shy angel you could say she took it cautiously, carefully...etc. As mentioned there are a few other little bits but I'm sure you can find those on your own.  Overall Characterization and World View:I think you do fine with the Characterization and world view here. Though I find it interesting that you would mention Santa and his elves with God and His angels in the same story.  Suggestions: I only have one suggestion...and this comes from the PersonItficatin contest half (and only from my viewpoint). If I didn't know that the prompt was a ceramic angel holding a star I would think you'd entered the wrong contest. I only say this because PersonItfication is about putting human emotions and life into objects. In this case the ceramic angel figurine. My suggestion would to be add a small blurb stating how it comes to life on Christmas eve with other angels to see the Christmas star put on the tree. Just an idea.  Last but not Least: I do like the story. It's cute and lovely. It reminds me of my own Christmas's when I was young. Just remember what contest you're writing the story for and I think you'll always get a win. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/03/2016 @ 5:46pm EST