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Review #4282128
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Rated: | (3.5)
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"Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Greetings, Elaine Jordan


This is your local Simply Positive Reviewer, here! Your writing has been selected for review, as part of Simply Positive's mission to bring more light on Authors here at WDC!

First Impressions: "Invalid Item"  is an interesting story about teens who, through an elaborate circumstance, are in harm's way, harm that they appear to be completely unaware of....and further, are seeking a place of shelter for undisclosed reasons as well.

I guess the first impression that I had of this work was that while the dialogue was straightforward, I did get a little "lost" on the aspect of what might a brother and sister seek a hotel room together for...especially when their bestie tries to rustle up her mother from her job at the airlines no less... it seemed that even though there were rough hewn corners no less, the story did have merit.



Overall Impact: I guess when it comes to stories of this genre, it might be stated that a more compact series of events, with a little less narration, could go far to steepen the tension of this writing. There also might be something more of a revelation of brother/sister dialogue, leading up to where we find them in the beginning. What, mind us, are they running from?



Errors: No obvious errors seen here in this interesting story.



Summation: Overall, there are many plus-es in this writing that I thought commendable, and along the way, there were many questions too, that I felt this story didn't answer in full. Perhaps this could be a leading chapter to a full-on novel as it were. Just the same, this is a good piece, written by a Newbie here on WDC.

KEEP WRITING!! *Heart**Bigsmile*




Once again, thank you for providing me the opportunity to read and review for Simply Positive; this also has been written in affiliation with
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The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH



Yours,
"Dr.J"


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