Hello S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep !

This is your local and frolic like Sb here. I'm reviewing you on behalf of the Simply Positive group. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- I came across this piece thanks to your involvement in 'I write in Winter' and this isn't an easy contest to enter in. I tend to be a dialogue heavy person so writing without a single piece of dialogue was difficult. You handled this challenge within this contest. I do have some suggestions for you that you can consider:

Mary Francis lived in an apartment building above a bakery.

I feel like this a weaker beginning and may not be needed. You can introduce us to Mary Francis but I love the descriptions you give us in the next sentence about the scents and smells coming from the bakery. You 'show' us what's going on and entice our sense of smell so I feel like this first sentence can be tweaked and you can have the start be with the fantastic descriptions beginning with: Each morning the four corners ...

I feel like there are a couple of other telling statements within the first paragraph. Such as she only had the interaction with the mail person and her loneliness. I would maybe try to 'show' us these points rather than telling us them. Just different ways of showing that loneliness of our main character.

Things Which I Enjoyed
This is an incredibly sweet story about this lady and how she gets mail and feels a lot happier from it. And, the little cookies at the end and receiving that box was a nice little way to wrap it up. This is kind of story that exemplifies the whole 'Christmas spirit' and how it does well to give rather than receive. And the act of giving causes that person to end up receiving a lot in the end.

Overall Comments
Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece and you tackled the no dialogue challenge incredibly well. There are just a few more 'telling' parts that could be tweaked if you wanted to. I hope this little review of mine is helpful. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .