Hello, Pesky Amanda A.K.A. LadyNazlia . How are you doing today? I'm working on reviewing different genres for "Invalid Item"  and stumbled upon your item, "Invalid Item" , which is in the Action/Adventure genre. I hope this review finds you well! Thanks for sharing your writing with us.

General Thoughts: The title of this story put that Willie Nelson song in my head. I wanted to read your hook and see what you did with the prompt, "You are running from the police." There are a lot of directions that could've gone, but this piece is more of a setup for a larger piece. We don't learn much about the main character or how she got into this situation. Instead, we hear about the past few years and how she has survived while being on the run. I liked the last line of the hook. It sort of had that CSI effect before they launch into the full story at the beginning of each episode.


Suggestions: Technical things first-

And I have dreamed about living and exciting, action filled life more than once. *an exciting, action-filled life...

I managed to keep my sanity in tack. The word is "intact" instead of "in tack"

Other than that, I understood the casual tone you were going for in this piece, but I thought it was a little too straightforward. A lot of the things narrator was narrating didn't seem specific to them as a character. I feel like I've read similar introductions before and it started seeming almost like a list format of things the narrator wanted to say with the limited time.


Conclusion: Overall, I thought you had a good idea behind the character and I think it would be interesting to expand on the idea. The main issue right now seems to be that you tried to get all the general ideas out for the hook and it ended up sounding like a list of straightforward concepts rather than what a narrator would actually think or say. Thanks again for sharing your work with us!


Best wishes,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .