Hi ember_rain

I am reviewing your poem, "Invalid Item" , for "I Write in December-January-February" .

I was intrigued to read what you have written, as I know how difficult the Tweet contest is. I've entered it a couple of times, and I found it really hard to condense my words to 140 characters, whilst still telling a story. But you've done a really good job.

On thing I wasn't sure about was whose hair is caught in the snare. At first, I thought the moose got caught. But then, I noticed you said the moose was charging at her, but she was caught. So I wondered who "she" was. It confused me a little.

I love your use of the word "nary" in the second verse. That's a great word, and really underused these days.

This is a cool little story, told succinctly within the 140 character parameters. Great job.

Choconut







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .