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Review #4288060
Viewing a review of:
Thanks! What Is It?  [E]
Short story based off of a writing prompt about receiving terrible gifts
by Charlie ~
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, Charlie! I found your name highlighted in the Anniversary forum and swung by to drop off a review to celebrate!

*CakeB* HAPPY third WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
Charlie, I'm familiar with your blogs, and I like the way you think, if that makes sense. We all have our individual styles. What I receive from you is surprising and fresh.

A few thoughts
You have the ability to get inside peoples' minds. So instead of this story being about an odd gift, albeit a unique present, the reader is immersed in the alienation of a sibling. The age difference was the first uh-oh and foreshadowed the running plot line.

Excellent usage of dialogue. I would have laughed if the situation wasn't so dire. Sentence after sentence shows the reader how Leah is ignored.

Your sentence structures are varied, keeping the reader engaged. *Checkg*

The other characters are fleshed out and authentic. They interrupt each other, and the topic flits back and forth, not always logistical. Never does this cause puzzlement. It's as if I was sitting in the same room. In fact, I've been surrounded by family members who play the continuous dialogue game that never varies. I just sat and listened, mostly unnoticed. Actually, I was grateful to be ignored.

I always find the goodness in people. However, I can't think of one thing that makes the parents, or the sisters, redeemable in my thoughts. They have one another, unaware of their exclusion of Leah.

Partway through the story, Leah mentions how she'd rather be with her boyfriend. After I finished reading, all I wanted was for her to get out of there.

*Thought*
Her parents [had begin] taking expensive trips [began]
Mom [had gotten] a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle that she would [pore] over [received] [pour]

I realize you're not likely to return to this story. It served its purpose. One thing to remember. Action comes before dialogue.

Lasting Impression
Memorable characters, a strong plot, and outstanding writing made this story stand out, in my mind. I don't live with expectations, but maybe I have a few when I read your work. You don't disappoint, Charlie. Nicely done.



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