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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4288631
Review #4288631
Viewing a review of:
 The Red-Headed Crush  [E]
He was new to the school and rumor was, he had a crush on a certain red-head.
by Schnujo is Late to Lannister
Review by Jay O'Toole
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Thank you, Schnujo, for the privilege of reviewing your great piece of flash fiction! Young love! We all have those experiences! We can all relate! :)

*Earth*Overall Impression: The obvious is rarely the Truth, since we humans have been good at hiding our true intentions ever since we lived in the original garden, the Garden of Eden. Nice little twist there at the end. The abrupt "Hi" and return to conversation were more about "nothing to say" than about disinterest.

*Pencil*Suggestions: Excellent story here! I think there is a great deal more to be said. What happened to lead us to this point? How will they solve their communication hesitancies? Will the boy connect with the girl and "live happily ever after,"...at least until next week? I think you have the potential to expand this story for a longer style story contest.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Nothing jumped out at me. I think you're good, here.

*Heart*What I Like: I love the last paragraph because I have lived that paragraph. I had so many "romances of the mind," until I was a junior or senior and actually got the courage to sit next to a female musician on the band bus as we headed to an away game and back. However, I didn't really start to date, until about the second year of college. Yes! I WAS a late-bloomer. ;)

Thanks for taking the time to read my review and for taking away anything you might need on your road of being a Rising Star Writer! :D

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/05/2017 @ 12:01am EST
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